Pick a person whom you are not communicating with as effectively as you could—a person who is challenging you—and keep them in mind as we go through the different techniques.

 

 

We all come with filters, view points, ways to look at things. This helps us to sort and organize the world. These filters help us to simplify ALL the information that is around us and to focus on the key points. However, these filters also block important information. We need to periodically challenge our filters. Open them up. Be more open to what is around us. Here are two of those times.

 

First, we need to be more open minded in our communications, especially with that person that is challenging us, if we are going to make any improvement.

 

Second, we need to be open to the suggestions that are listed below, or reading this will be a waste of time.

Third, when being open minded, use the PPC technique—Plusses, Potentials, and Concerns questions. What are the plusses of this idea? What are the potentials for this idea? What are the concerns I have about implementing this idea?

 

 

What is the difference between listening and active listening? Listening, we do with our ears; active listening we do with our entire head: The ears for listening, the brain for processing and eyes for showing attention, the mouth for repeating back what is heard, and the face for expression.

 

Here is an activity you can do at a meeting to demonstrate active listening. Have people pair up. Have the first person talk for just one minute with the other person listening. Have the listener use their eyes, face, and head to show attentiveness. Then have the listener repeat back all that they heard from the talker. Reverse rolls and repeat. How well were you listening? How much did you remember? What were you thinking as you were listening?  

 

 

The more YOU know about your preferred information processing and learning styles the better you will be at communicating with others. What are your preferences? Some of us prefer to hear it, others to see it, others to touch it and some to do it. These preferences have huge implications for and impact on how we telegraph/send information out to others AND how we want to receive information. Not surprisingly we send the type of information that we send in the manner in which we send it because that is what we would want. But is that what our colleagues want or need? Sometimes it is. But making that assumption can lead to frustration, bad decisions, and arguments.

 

We have a natural affinity for those who are like us and have similar styles. But to create high performance teams and successful organizations we need to collaborate with people that have different skill sets. These different skill sets usually come with different styles and that requires us to communicate differently so as to be more effective.

So know your preferences and ask others how they prefer their information. You may be surprised.

 

 

It’s funny but, when giving instructions, if the verbal and the visual message are different, we don't get confused. Most of us will just accept the visual message and ignore the verbal one. A few will accept the verbal message as per their learning style as mentioned above. The implication for this is that as the communicator your verbal and visual messages need to be consistent.

 

 

Initially communication is a one way street. We can not assume that the other has gotten the message unless we have confirmed it ourselves. Only after establishing a track record with that person can we trust that they got the message that we sent.

 

How do we check to make sure that the other person has gotten the message? Ask them. For example, “I want to make sure that I was clear. Can you explain back what I said, so that I can make sure that I was clear on the details?” This way you are taking responsibility for the message.

 

 

I always want to be clear, but giving too much can be confusing. Finding the correct balance between too little and too much is tricky and differs with different people and situations. Erring on the side of too much is I think better . But best is to just make a point of checking a few times.

 

 

“DO IT NOW.” Or would you rather hear, “Would you please do that?” tactful approaches are always more appreciated than bossy demanding ones. The medium is as important as the message! Especially when you realize that only about 20% of communication is the message and the other 80% is the tone of voice, and body language. Boards tend to govern by punishing for non-compliance rather than encouraging participation. Think again about message and approach. In what way might you rephrase your position to build bridges and not walls? Ben Franklin said, “You can attract more flies with an ounce sugar than a pound or vinegar.”

Moreover are you using the right medium? Some clients prefer face to face; for some, the phone is just fine. With others I communicate extensively by email. And now there is texting too. Are you using the right method?

 

 

Once when I was traveling for work, I arrived late and tired at a hotel. After checking in, I asked the clerk if they had something that I needed. No, was the response. Even though I was wiped out, I realized that I really needed this for tomorrow’s program and asked again. This time I use an invitational question, “Who might be able to help me with this?” And he pointed to the clerk right next to him. Well, the clerk next to him did not just magically appear after my question, so it must have been the problem solving technique of asking an invitational question.

 

I have found these invitational questions powerful tools in problem solving. Humans are wired to solve problems. If I ask, “How might you have the best day ever?” you can’t help but start to solve this. The challenge is asking the right question to solve your challenge. Invitational stems are the right start to tap the problem solving nature of the mind. Here are the stems: How to…; How might…; In what way might…; How many…; and Who might…. One last thing, state the question in a positive way. For example, “How might we gain interest?” is good and “Why won’t they help?” is not.